Greetings Permanency Champions,
Permanency Tip of the Week: Can They Make it Through the Worst Day?
During the Honeymoon period, most things are going well, communication tends to be good and people are generally positive about the future. Too often, I hear people conclude that because of their experience during this Honeymoon Period, they are convinced that the relationship is going to last. I challenge you to consider whether a better measure for the long-term potential of relationships are how the participants respond to a bad day – especially the worst day. When I hear from people that “WE had a tough weekend and WE didn’t think the problems would ever end”, it is these relationships that I have the most confidence in for the long haul. Let’s focus on including in our evaluations how our families manage their challenges TOGETHER and not just focus on how they are dealing with the successes.
Permanency Success Story of the Week: It’s Never too Late for a Family
This is Home Podcast – Susan Grundberg is the Executive Director/ CEO of You Gotta Believe! She met her son, Sharif, when he was 18 years old. Despite planning to adopt and working in foster care for decades, both Sharif and the process of becoming a family, took Susan by surprise. In this interview, we hear from both Sharif and Susan about how they met and the joys and challenges of becoming a family and finding “home.”
You can learn more about You Gotta Believe! and their amazing work. May is Foster Care Awareness Month. You can help support the effort of making sure people know that it’s never too late for family by sharing this story.
Permanency Related Articles:
Confessions of An Adoptive Parent: If you’ve parented a child from a traumatic past for any length of time, you already know that traditional parenting techniques do not work. But, have you ever stopped to consider why, or what you could do differently? Kristin and I both grew up in traditional households, with parents who used traditional techniques in raising us both. There were rules and restrictions, guidelines and boundaries. And if said rules, restrictions, guidelines and boundaries were crossed, BAM, consequences were enforced. No questions asked. From all accounts, these techniques worked. We both grew up to be responsible adults who knew the difference between right and wrong. But, we also never endured significant trauma as children. And that was the game-changer…
I’ve discovered that traditional parenting, the way I was parented, just doesn’t work with our kiddos. Here are 3 reasons (out of many) why this is the case: (1) Trauma changes the brain. (2) Their behavior is a voice. (3) Fight, flight, or freeze.
NBC San Diego – Foster youth explained the immense challenges facing teenagers who age out of the foster care system at the University of San Diego Friday. “Right now, this time of year is a very difficult time for foster kids that are transitioning out of foster homes and into the real world. I know how scary it is and I was there,” said San Diego Councilmember Lorie Zapf at the event. “We call them kids – [ages] 18 to early 20s – but when you’re just aged out of foster care and you’re scared, you don’t have a place to live or job skills, you don’t have a plan B, you don’t have parents to go back to, it is a very difficult time.”
Raul Enciso, a former foster youth, explained how without the support of foster youth programs such as Promises to Kids and Just in Time, he would have been left without a place to live…” But one of the problems that still remains is the kids don’t always know what’s available to them. Some of the foster youths at the event explained that by the time they learned of the available resources it was too late to use them.
“We’re trying to bring awareness to the situation and ask for people to step up and help these kids,” said Zapf. Professor Fellmath also mentioned that it’s been well-documented that supporting these youth until they reach self-sufficiency saves the state money. That’s because it reduces the likelihood that foster youth will end up in the prison system, where it is more expensive to maintain them.
Daily Caller – After steady declines between 2009 and 2012 U.S. Social Services agencies experienced a sharp increase of children in need of foster care. Officials blame drug abuse, particularly addiction to painkillers and heroin. Drug addiction is now the second leading cause for removal from parental custody, following child neglect, which social workers note is often exacerbated by drug use in the home, reports the Associated Press.
WATE – “Some of us are lucky. We have our moms. We have our dads and some of us never met our mom or dad for whatever reasons. These kids are athletes just like any other kid, but they just don’t have the means,” said LaBorde. Lessons don’t cost anything and so far there are roughly 60 children who are part of the Skate for Our Future program. The approach boils down to life on and off the ice.
Creating A Family – Have you ever thought about going to a foster care adoption matching event? They go by different names– adoption meet & greets, foster care adoption recruitment events, or adoption activity days–but are all events designed for prospective adoptive parents to meet and play with children currently available for adoption through foster care. Are they a wonderful resource for finding families for harder to place children or are they basically a meat market inflicting emotional distress on very vulnerable children.
1) Why Have a Foster Care Adoption Matching Event?; 2) Do Adoption Matching Events Work in Finding Families for Kids; 3) Are Adoption Matching Events Harmful for the Children; 4) Voice of One Foster Child on Adoption Matching Events
Chronicle of Social Change – Monique Marrow first started working on creating a trauma-responsive system in a juvenile justice setting when she worked as deputy director of treatment and rehabilitation services for the Ohio Department of Youth Services in 2005. Back then, her approach to talking about trauma in the justice system was met with some pushback. “Here comes Dr. Marrow, with her hug-a-thug speech,” she remembers some skeptical staff members saying.
But Marrow earned respect and trust after she found a way to improve conditions at youth detention facilities in Ohio, decreasing the number of critical incidents there as a result of staff training and trauma-responsive interventions aimed at children in the justice system. Now, Marrow, a clinical child psychologist, has carved out a career as a national training consultant. Marrow works with the Center for Trauma Recovery and Juvenile Justice at the University of Connecticut and the University of Kentucky’s Center on Trauma and Children. She also authored “Think Trauma: A Training for Staff in Juvenile Justice and Residential Settings,” a curriculum created for the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.
She recently talked with The Chronicle of Social Change about the state of trauma-informed work in juvenile justice, her upcoming work with the Los Angeles County Probation Department and why empowering youth in juvenile detention centers remains a critical area of importance.
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- Take care and keep up the Permanency work – Our children, youth, young adults, families and communities are depending on it!
Dr. Greg Manning